Should I Stay or Leave After Betrayal? What Christian Wives Need to Know
If you're a Christian wife trying to decide whether staying with a husband who's been using porn or involved in sexual betrayal is the "right" or "biblical" thing to do, you're not alone. And you're definitely not crazy for asking the question.
This is one of the hardest places to be. You love God. You love your husband, or at least you want to. You've been taught that marriage is sacred, that God hates divorce, and that forgiveness is always the answer. But you're also exhausted, hurt, and wondering if you're being faithful or just being a doormat.
Here's what I want you to know right up front: there's no easy answer. Anyone who gives you one isn't being honest about how hard this really is.
Let me also be clear about something else. Porn use, especially when it's secret, repeated, and relationally damaging, isn't a minor issue. It fundamentally affects trust and attachment. This isn't about overreacting to a small mistake. This is about responding to real betrayal.
You're Not the Only Christian Wife Facing This
Before we go any further, let's get something out in the open. Christian marriages are not protected from this kind of pain.
Born again Christians divorce at about the same rate as everyone else, around 33%. More than 90% of those divorces happened after they accepted Christ, not before.
And porn? It's everywhere in the church. Recent research from 2024 shows that about 75% of Christian men and 40% of Christian women view pornography on some level. Nearly a quarter of practicing Christians say they view it at least weekly, not just once in a while. And here's what really highlights the secrecy problem: 82% of Christians who struggle with porn say no one is helping them.
Faith doesn't inoculate a marriage from secrecy or betrayal.
So if you're sitting here feeling alone or like you're the only Christian woman dealing with this, you're not. Many believers end up in this painful place, asking the same hard questions you're asking right now.
The Biblical Tension Is Real
Part of what makes this so hard is that Christians truly disagree on what the Bible says about divorce after sexual betrayal.
Some point to Jesus' words in Matthew 5 and 19, where he allows divorce because of sexual sin. Others bring up Paul's teaching in 1 Corinthians 7 about not being "bound" if an unbelieving spouse leaves the marriage. And then there are those who argue that no divorce is ever truly okay, no matter what.
On top of that, there's the question of whether regular porn use even counts as adultery. Jesus said lust is adultery of the heart, so does that mean chronic, secret porn use is breaking the marriage covenant? Some ministries say yes. Others say it's serious sin but not a reason for divorce.
You can see why Christian wives feel pulled in every direction. You're hearing different messages from pastors, books, podcasts, and friends. It's exhausting trying to figure out what God really wants when the people who are supposed to help you can't even agree.
The Questions That Actually Help
If your chest tightens or your thoughts start racing as you read this, pause for a moment. That reaction makes sense.
Instead of trying to give you a yes or no answer, I want to offer you some questions. These are the kinds of things I walk through with wives in my counseling office, and they help cut through the fog.
Is he truly sorry or just sorry he got caught?
There's a big difference between a man who's genuinely broken over what he's done and one who's just trying to control the damage. Real change looks like full honesty, getting into actual recovery (therapy, accountability, support groups), being open with his life, and long-term growth. Tearful apologies and short-lived behavior changes don't count.
Are you safe?
I'm not just talking about physical safety, though that matters too. Are you emotionally safe? Spiritually safe? Stable enough to make a clear decision? Has his behavior gotten worse, putting you at risk in other ways—STDs, illegal content, money problems? Safety is not optional, and it's not wrong to protect yourself.
Is this a one-time fall or an ongoing pattern?
One discovery is painful. But repeated cycles of promises, slip-ups, lies, and more discoveries? That's a different story. If you've been living in this loop for years with no real change, that's not a struggle. That's a way of life.
What do wise, informed people say?
Not just any people. Not the friend who's never been through this or the pastor who doesn't understand betrayal. I'm talking about people who know your situation, understand the realities of sexual addiction and betrayal, and have your back. What are they seeing that you might not?
Why are you staying?
This one's hard, but it's important. Are you staying because you genuinely believe God is calling you to walk through healing with your husband, and you have the support and safety to do that? Or are you staying because you're afraid of what people will think, afraid you can't make it on your own, or convinced that leaving makes you a bad Christian?
There's a huge difference.
God Cares About You, Too
Here's something that sometimes gets lost in all the talk about God hating divorce and keeping your vows: God also hates when people are hurt. He cares deeply about the wounded. He sees what's been done to you, and he doesn't expect you to destroy yourself to save someone else.
Staying in a marriage where there's ongoing, unrepentant betrayal isn't always the most faithful choice. Sometimes the most faithful thing you can do is set a boundary, protect yourself and your kids, and let the results of sin land where they belong.
I'm not your pastor, and I'm not your church leadership. I can't tell you whether staying or leaving is the right call in your specific situation. But I can tell you this: making this decision takes time, support, and safety. You don't have to decide alone, and you don't have to decide right now.
What Comes Next
If you're wrestling with this question, here's what I'd encourage you to do:
Find a therapist who understands both betrayal and faith. Not every counselor gets the weight of what you're carrying or how to balance biblical beliefs with real-world safety.
Get wise spiritual help, but be picky. Not everyone who has an opinion is qualified to help you walk through this. Look for leaders who take betrayal seriously and don't minimize what you've been through.
Take care of your safety and mental health while you figure this out. You can't make good decisions from a place of chaos, fear, or breakdown. Taking care of yourself isn't selfish. It's necessary.
If you're in Louisiana or Texas and want support from someone who understands faith and betrayal, help is available. I'm one option among many, and I'd be honored to walk with you. You can reach out through my website or give my office a call.
Brent Woods is a Licensed Professional Counselor and Certified Sex Addiction Therapist in Lake Charles, Louisiana. He works with individuals and couples dealing with sexual addiction, betrayal, and the hard questions that come with both.
References
Barna Group. (2024, January 9). Born again Christians just as likely to divorce as are non-Christians. Barna Group. Retrieved January 14, 2026, from https://www.barna.com/research/born-again-christians-just-as-likely-to-divorce-as-are-non-christians/
Barna Group. (2024, October 23). Over half of practicing Christians admit they use pornography. Barna Group. Retrieved January 14, 2026, from https://www.barna.com/trends/over-half-of-practicing-christians-admit-they-use-pornography/
Covenant Eyes. (2024, October 30). 54% of Christians admit to viewing pornography—over half are okay with it. Answers in Genesis. Retrieved January 14, 2026, from https://answersingenesis.org/christianity/christians-admit-to-viewing-pornography-over-half-are-okay-with-it/
Pure Desire Ministries & Barna Group. (2025, February). Beyond the Porn Phenomenon: Media fact sheet. WinShape Marriage. Retrieved January 14, 2026, from https://marriage.winshape.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/4/2025/02/BTPP-Media-Fact-Sheet.pdf
Rissanen, T. J., & Perry, S. L. (2022, September 27). Beginning pornography use associated with increase in probability of divorce. American Sociological Association. Retrieved January 14, 2026, from https://www.asanet.org/beginning-pornography-use-associated-increase-probability-divorce/
