The Reality Behind Trauma Bonding: What You Need to Know

Trauma bonding is a form of psychological attachment that occurs between two people who are exposed to trauma together. It is often seen between people who have been victims of violence or abuse, or who have a history of mental health issues.

Trauma bonding can be described as mutually dependent relationships between two people who share a history of suffering. In trauma bonding, both parties feel obligated to stay together, even in the face of great pain and suffering. This type of bonding often occurs in survivor groups, families with a history of abuse, and other situations where people have experienced traumatic events. When a person experiences trauma, their body releases hormones such as oxytocin and cortisol that create an intense bond between them and their abuser. This bond can be particularly intense in victims of severe trauma, such as sexual assault. It is often referred to as "trauma-induced bonding" and can last long after the trauma has ended.

The effects of trauma bonding can last well into the future. Victims of trauma often struggle with feeling a close connection to the person that caused them harm, even though the relationship may have been harmful. This is why professionals say it is essential for survivors of trauma to seek trauma-informed care, such as therapy, which can help them heal from the past trauma and understand the process of trauma bonding.

Therapy can address the effects of trauma bonding in several ways. First, therapists can help to break the cycle of trauma bonding by challenging thoughts and beliefs that stem from it. They can also help to increase self-awareness so the survivor can make better decisions about the current situation and relationships. Additionally, therapy can be used to gain insight into why the trauma bonding occurred, so the survivor can better understand how to break free of it.

Ultimately, understanding trauma bonding is important in order to understand how to deal with traumatic experiences. Trauma bonding must be taken seriously in order to facilitate healing and ensure that future relationships are healthy and safe. Therapists that are trauma-informed and use evidence-based treatments are an important resource in helping survivors learn to cope and heal.

5 Simple Ways to Change Your Perspective and Turn a Really Bad Day Around

Bad days happen. We all have them—days when nothing seems to go quite right. But if your bad day is getting you down and making it difficult to stay positive, don’t despair. There are ways to turn it around and shift your perspective to become more positive.

Here are six tips for turning a really bad day around:

1. Take a moment to appreciate the small things. When you’re having a bad day, take a few minutes to look around and appreciate the small things. Focus on something that you are thankful for and really take it in. It can be as simple as the warmth of the sun on your face - a single moment of appreciation can help shift the mood.

2. Reach out to a friend or family member. Connecting with someone who genuinely cares about you and your wellbeing can be a fantastic way to help get you out of a funk. Whether it’s through a phone call, text, or video chat - allowing yourself to be seen and heard can lead to a much more positive day.

3. Exercise. Exercise is a great way to get out of your head and into your body. The release of endorphins that are generated from exercise can improve mood and help you to break free from negative thoughts.

4. Give yourself a break and take some time for self-care. This could range from taking a relaxing warm bath, watching your favorite movie, or reading a good book. Allowing yourself to take some time, even a 20-minute break to do something enjoyable, can help to improve your mood and better manage negative emotions.

5. Write your thoughts down. Journaling can be an effective way to manage negative thoughts and emotions. Exploring why you’re feeling this way and writing your thoughts down can be a powerful way to help you understand, accept, and eventually take action.

6. Have faith. Believe that this bad day is a part of your journey and is leading you towards something better. Have faith that you will come out of this day better and stronger than before. Turning a really bad day around can be tough but with a little effort and focus, it can be done. By taking a moment to appreciate the small things, reaching out to a friend, exercising, engaging in some self-care, journaling, and having faith that this day’s events are leading you to something better, you can work to shift your perspective and use the experience to become more positive.

I took my daughter to her first "Daddy/Daughter Dance" and left with regret...for saying YES.

Okay, so I have to admit that title is clickbait. Because I had a great time, and absolutely have no regrets at all. But I have regrets for saying yes to everything else in life, but not the important things.

I looked down when we were dancing and she absolutely was in the moment and having fun. It hit me..."wow...one day this may be a dance at her wedding, and it will be here before I know it." Then it was easy to get to the place of how I have not been diligent in the time given to me up to this point. While she may not look and see my lack, I surely do. Which looks like:

• Late nights working to come home and only see them (my kids) for 20 minutes before bed.

• Being so worried and distracted by the stressors of life that I can't give them the attention they need.

• Being caught up on social media endlessly scrolling looking at other peoples' highlight reels of their lives when I'm missing the moments of mine.

• Saying YES to others out of obligation and my wife and children miss out on me being present.

Ok so I could keep going there but you get the point. I'm sure you could fill up the page too and may relate a lot. But here is the thing, you don't have to sit there and let the regret build and build to keep you in a rut of negativity. You can identify what that regret is, make a decision in the moment to be better, and move forward. I made a choice in that moment to recognize this, had a few tears, and promised myself I would do better moving forward. Because the only other option is to live in regret and let that take over, and that never turns out healthy.

Make a choice to be different. Make a choice to be more intentional in the future to say YES to the important things, and say NO to the things that do not matter long term. This could mean you having better boundaries at work. No, you don't have to quit your job. But, you don't have to be the first person to your morning meeting every day with donuts yearning for your boss to finally notice you, when they probably do not even care that much. But your family at home is waiting for you to be more present and you go home with absolutely nothing left to give.

WHYYYYYYYY???????

There is only so much time in the world. We don't get it back. So many people at the end of their life say that they wish they had lived life differently. Maybe taken more risks. Maybe spent more time with the people that mattered. I wish I would have spent more time with my grandparents before they passed (which is probably an entire different blog post topic).

BUT WHAT YOU HAVE IS TODAY. YOU CAN CHANGE TODAY. YOU CAN MAKE A PROMISE TO YOURSELF, TO YOUR FAMILY TODAY. YOU DON'T HAVE TO SIT IN THAT PLACE OF BLAMING YOURSELF. MAKE A CHOICE. MAKE A PROMISE. TO YOURSELF. TO YOUR FAMILY.

Have better boundaries. Say no to the meeting. To the email. To the things that can wait. Prioritize your family. Yourself. Self care. Your hobbies. Having fun. At home. At work. Life is short, don't let it pass you by and regret for not living a more full life at the end.

Healing from Betrayal Trauma

Understanding Betrayal Trauma

Definition of Betrayal Trauma

Understanding betrayal trauma is essential when someone we deeply trust, like a spouse, friend, or family member, breaks our trust in a meaningful and painful manner. This breach can lead to intense emotional distress, resulting in difficult emotions such as confusion, anger, and sadness. Overcoming partner betrayal, which can encompass issues ranging from pornography addiction to infidelity and sexual addictive behaviors, is particularly challenging. The recovery process from such experiences requires time, patience, and support to navigate the complex emotions involved.

Causes and Types of Betrayal

Betrayal trauma can result from various situations, such as infidelity, emotional manipulation, financial deceit, or broken promises. No matter the cause, the experience can be devastating and leave a lasting impact on our well-being.

Symptoms of Betrayal Trauma

Emotional Symptoms

Individuals coping with betrayal trauma, which can stem from childhood trauma or adult experiences, often face a myriad of emotions. Feelings of sadness, anger, anxiety, and depression are common, as are sensations of worthlessness, shame, or guilt. Addressing these emotions is a crucial aspect of betrayal trauma recovery, as it allows individuals to process their experiences and work towards healing from the pain caused by broken trust.

Physical Symptoms

Symptoms can manifest in various physical symptoms, making it crucial to recognize and address them to maintain overall health and well-being. These symptoms can include headaches, which may be caused by increased stress or tension; fatigue, resulting from the emotional toll of dealing with the betrayal; and insomnia, as the mind struggles to process the painful experience. Changes in appetite can also occur, with some individuals experiencing a decrease in appetite due to stress or anxiety, while others may experience an increase in emotional eating as a coping mechanism.

Additionally,B.T. may lead to other physical manifestations such as muscle tension, gastrointestinal issues, or a weakened immune system, making the individual more susceptible to illness. In more severe cases, the stress and emotional turmoil can even contribute to the development of chronic conditions like high blood pressure or heart disease.

Given the range of possible physical symptoms, it is essential to monitor your health during the healing process. Seeking medical advice or engaging in practices like regular exercise, relaxation techniques, and maintaining a balanced diet can help alleviate these symptoms and improve overall well-being.

Relationship Symptoms

Following a significant breach of trust, the foundation of relationships can be profoundly affected, often resulting in challenges when it comes to forming new connections or preserving existing bonds. This damage to trust can create feelings of insecurity, wariness, or even fear of opening up to others. Consequently, individuals may become hesitant to establish close connections, or they might struggle to maintain current relationships due to the lingering impact of the past experience. Restoring trust is a crucial aspect of healing and moving forward, as it enables individuals to foster healthy, supportive connections with others.

Strategies for Healing from Betrayal Trauma

Acknowledge and Validate Your Feelings

The first step in healing is to acknowledge the pain and hurt caused by the betrayal. Validate your feelings and allow yourself to experience them without judgment.

Seek Professional Help

Seeking the assistance of a mental health professional, such as engaging in couples therapy or individual counseling, can offer valuable guidance and support throughout the healing journey. These professionals can help you develop effective coping strategies and provide a safe, confidential space to openly discuss your emotions and thoughts. By working collaboratively with a therapist, you can gain insights into the underlying issues, promote personal growth, and ultimately work towards rebuilding trust and healing from the experience.

Establish Boundaries

Setting healthy boundaries can protect you from further harm and promote a sense of safety. Clearly communicate your needs, expectations, and limits to others, and be prepared to enforce those boundaries if necessary.

Develop a Support System

Surround yourself with friends, family, or support groups who understand your experience and can offer encouragement, understanding, and advice. Having a strong support system is crucial for healing and recovery.

Practice Self-Care

Prioritize self-care during the healing process. Engage in activities that promote relaxation, reduce stress, and increase your overall well-being. This can include exercise, meditation, hobbies, or spending time with loved ones.

Build Trust in Yourself and Others

Healing from betrayal trauma often requires rebuilding trust – both in yourself and in others. Learn to trust your intuition and judgment while also recognizing that not everyone will betray you. Developing healthy, trusting relationships is essential for moving forward.

Focus on Forgiveness

While it may be difficult, working towards forgiveness can be an essential part of the healing process. Forgiving yourself and the person who betrayed you can help release negative emotions and create space for healing and growth.

The Road to Recovery

How Long does Betrayal Trauma Last?

The duration of symptoms can vary significantly from person to person, as it depends on various factors such as the severity of the betrayal, the individual's emotional resilience, and the availability of support systems. For some, the healing process may take a few months, while for others, it could extend to years. It's important to remember that there is no fixed timeline for recovering from betrayal trauma, as each individual's journey is unique. Being patient with yourself and allowing ample time to process your emotions, seek professional help, and implement coping strategies will ultimately contribute to a more effective and lasting recovery.

Self-Compassion and Acceptance

Practice self-compassion and acceptance during the healing process. Recognize that it's okay to feel hurt, angry, or sad, and that these emotions are a natural part of the healing journey. Be kind to yourself as you work towards recovery.

Moving Forward After Betrayal Trauma

Embracing New Beginnings

Once you've made progress in your healing journey, embrace the opportunity for new beginnings. This can involve pursuing new interests, building new relationships, or setting new personal goals.

Strengthening Relationships

As you heal from betrayal trauma, take the time to strengthen your existing relationships. Open communication, honesty, and trust can help deepen connections and promote emotional well-being.

Building Resilience

Developing resilience is essential for moving forward after B.T. By learning to cope with adversity, you'll be better equipped to handle future challenges and setbacks.

In conclusion, healing from betrayal trauma can be a challenging and complex journey. However, with the right strategies, support, and self-compassion, it's possible to regain a sense of safety, trust, and well-being in your life. Remember that healing takes time, patience, and persistence, but ultimately, you can emerge stronger and more resilient than before.